Irony

Main Entry: iro·ny. Etymology: Latin ironia, from Greek eirOnia, from eirOn dissembler
1 : a pretense of ignorance and of willingness to learn from another assumed in order to make the other's false conceptions conspicuous by adroit questioning -- called also Socratic irony
2 a : the use of words to express something other than and especially the opposite of the literal meaning
b : a usually humorous or sardonic literary style or form characterized by irony
c : an ironic expression or utterance
3 a (1) : incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result (2) : an event or result marked by such incongruity
b : incongruity between a situation developed in a drama and the accompanying words or actions that is understood by the audience but not by the characters in the play -- called also dramatic irony, tragic irony
(Miriam webster)

Irony appears to be the mot en vogue. Everyone says it. Even my grandmother says it. In a 24 hour period I heard her say it three times. She never once used it correctly. I know that people abuse words hither and thither (can you say irregardless? Well, don’t!) but I can still be pissed about it. The third definition listed above is in recognition that people use the word ironic instead of the word incongruous. Allegedly, incongruous is not a commonly used word. It means, unsurprisingly, not congruous, unharmonious, and not conforming. It suggests that when a logical series of events results in an unexpected result it is ironic. So it would be ironic for 2 plus 2 to equal something other than 4. It would be ironic for a dropped ball not to fall to the ground. But it is an unexpected result, not a rare (or scarce) one. It is not ironic if I eat a mushroom; it is just really really unlikely. However, the mistreatment of the word extends far past incongruity.

A local news broadcaster used it last night. The broadcaster stated, in paraphrase: that it was ironic that a man, charged with abusing a child, had been convicted of abusing a child years before. Well it’s not ironic. It might be ironic when a priest abuses a child because we do not expect a priest to do such things (at least we didn’t used to). But it is not ironic when a criminal gets caught a second time for a similar crime. Maybe it’s “Not surprisingly”... But it’s not ironic. It is, in fact, an expected outcome.

I overheard a lady say it on the bus the other day. She declared it was “so ironic” that she had bumped into her former neighbor on the bus. They women were delighted to see each other after several years, but it wasn’t ironic. It was fortuitous that they happened to get on the same bus. But luck doesn’t have anything to do with irony. It was a nice coincidence, but not ironic.

It isn’t ironic that a missionary worker dies in Afghanistan, it’s tragic. It might be ironic if the same missionary went on a violent killing spree. But death is a predictable result for working in a war zone. The vulgus calls it Cosmic Irony. They say it is ironic that Beethoven was deaf. But isn’t more remarkable than ironic? Let’s not even talk about any song. In fact, the American Heritage Dictionary cites that song as an example of something that is not ironic.

It’s not ironic that dozens of others have ranted about this before me. It makes this unoriginal, but not ironic. It wouldn’t be ironic if someone who hates the misuse of the word misuses it: that’s hypocrisy. Irregardless, of all of this please stick to correct uses of the word (now, that might be irony?).

Things that are ironic:
A surgeon asking a nurse, “Now, where do I start?”
A person who burns their mouth on a hot piece of pizza declaring, “Wow, that pizza is really cold.”
A man jumping off a building to commit suicide is shot dead when a person on the third floor fires his shotgun and misses, striking the falling man instead of his intended victim.